What do you do when the Head says "Go!" but the Heart says "Stay!"?
A couple of weeks later, my manager dropped a bombshell. He wanted me to consider going to Spain to work on a big project there.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It felt as if something dear to me was being taken away, never to be given back.
Initially I was very hesitant to go. But I said I would think about it. Deep down in my heart I didn't wish to leave the UK. I have a fantastic house, a nice housemate, and a quiet town to live in. And having been in the UK for eight months, I felt I was not ready to make another big move. But I also started thinking back on my quarter-life crisis episode earlier in the month. This was an opportunity that I was being presented with, and I'm thinking of turning it down? How many times have I turned down opportunities in the past, only to regret that decision down the track?
It was a very tough decision. And it basically boiled down to who I should listen to? Should I listen to my heart and stay, or should I listen to my head and go? On one day, my head persuaded me to go over to Spain, only for the heart to present an equally convincing counter-argument persuading me to stay in the UK.
But it seemed that the heart was stronger in the battle. The quarter-life crisis episode, so clear in my mind, wasn't enough to persuade me to move. So I decided to turn down the opportunity. When it was time to catch-up with my manager, I told him that I wasn't ready to move. He basically qualified the situation and paraphrased something like this: This is the situation. After your current project in the UK, I cannot guarantee any more work if you stay.
I was shell-shocked. I had always suspected that the region was getting a bit slim on work, but I had to hear it from him myself. He asked me to think it over again in the weekend.
The cards had been dealt on the table, and I didn't have a good hand. In my mind, I was basically forced to fold. After a weekend to think about it further (but more like going through the denial, anger, bargaining, depression and coming to acceptance stages, like in the grieving process), I acknowledged to my manager that I have accepted the opportunity.
All the plans that I had made in the UK had suddenly disappeared and a new series of events had been put into motion. My current to-do list was completely scrapped and replaced with an even longer to-do list just to prepare for the relocation, which is happening in early August.
The first thing I had to do was to inform Tina that I was leaving, and it was one of the most difficult things I have had to do. We sat in the lounge and, holding back the tears, I told her that I had to leave Reading.
She asked whether I was leaving my job.
"No, not exactly. I'm just relocating."
"Where will you be going?"
"To Spain."
She had a surprised look on her face, followed by a "I'm pleased for you" look. It was obvious from her reaction that she saw something that I didn't.
I explained to her that I wanted to stay here in Reading, but Spain has more work and that I was the obvious person from the UK region to go over. To which she replied that I had no choice but to keep my job and go to Spain, or risk being made jobless and fight with thousands of other unemployed people out there, most of whom had been made redundant and desperate to find work. One of the anecdotes that she shared was that McDonald's receives hundreds of job applications every day, even from redundant bankers desperate for work.
She just made perfect sense, and I knew it. Out of all the options out there, this was by far the simplest. I couldn't believe other people had suggested that I look for a new job just for the sake of staying in the UK.
After I told my bad news, due to the present economic climate, I learned that she also is facing uncertainty over her job. This made me realise that if you have a job, in difficult times like these, you should do whatever you can to keep your job secure. Hence her common sense answer.
She reassured me that I will like Spain, and shared her experiences. From dining in Tapas bars, to the beautiful Spanish weather, to kicking water barefoot during a heavy thunderstorm, and knowing which parts of Majorca have English and German tourists. I couldn't help laugh, despite feeling bad on the inside. After all, I admit that I have developed a fondness for Reading, the house, and my housemate. And I was reluctant to give it all up.
I'm not happy that I have to leave Reading, but accepting the move to Spain was the right thing to do, given the circumstances. I won't need to feel despondent about missing out on yet another opportunity, but as ridiculous as it sounds I just hope there aren't any nagging feelings about what could have been if I stayed in Reading. Then again, if I had to choose between Reading UK and Palma Spain, without having been there before, I would definitely choose Palma Spain.
The month of June has taught me a lot about myself. It taught me that I am mostly resistant to change. I shouldn't be so resistant, and that I should learn to embrace and accept it more readily. I also learned that I should be grabbing more opportunities, and that I shouldn't be tied down to anything if there is no concrete reason to do so. Here in the UK, I should be making the most of every opportunity, rather than piss my life away. That was what I was doing back in New Zealand, and it was one of the many regrets I had during that quarter-life crisis episode. Overall, the month was difficult, but I learned a lot and hopefully I can move forward from this.
What do you do when the Head says "Go!" but the Heart says "Stay!"? Just ask someone else who understands.
A couple of weeks later, my manager dropped a bombshell. He wanted me to consider going to Spain to work on a big project there.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It felt as if something dear to me was being taken away, never to be given back.
Initially I was very hesitant to go. But I said I would think about it. Deep down in my heart I didn't wish to leave the UK. I have a fantastic house, a nice housemate, and a quiet town to live in. And having been in the UK for eight months, I felt I was not ready to make another big move. But I also started thinking back on my quarter-life crisis episode earlier in the month. This was an opportunity that I was being presented with, and I'm thinking of turning it down? How many times have I turned down opportunities in the past, only to regret that decision down the track?
It was a very tough decision. And it basically boiled down to who I should listen to? Should I listen to my heart and stay, or should I listen to my head and go? On one day, my head persuaded me to go over to Spain, only for the heart to present an equally convincing counter-argument persuading me to stay in the UK.
But it seemed that the heart was stronger in the battle. The quarter-life crisis episode, so clear in my mind, wasn't enough to persuade me to move. So I decided to turn down the opportunity. When it was time to catch-up with my manager, I told him that I wasn't ready to move. He basically qualified the situation and paraphrased something like this: This is the situation. After your current project in the UK, I cannot guarantee any more work if you stay.
I was shell-shocked. I had always suspected that the region was getting a bit slim on work, but I had to hear it from him myself. He asked me to think it over again in the weekend.
The cards had been dealt on the table, and I didn't have a good hand. In my mind, I was basically forced to fold. After a weekend to think about it further (but more like going through the denial, anger, bargaining, depression and coming to acceptance stages, like in the grieving process), I acknowledged to my manager that I have accepted the opportunity.
All the plans that I had made in the UK had suddenly disappeared and a new series of events had been put into motion. My current to-do list was completely scrapped and replaced with an even longer to-do list just to prepare for the relocation, which is happening in early August.
The first thing I had to do was to inform Tina that I was leaving, and it was one of the most difficult things I have had to do. We sat in the lounge and, holding back the tears, I told her that I had to leave Reading.
She asked whether I was leaving my job.
"No, not exactly. I'm just relocating."
"Where will you be going?"
"To Spain."
She had a surprised look on her face, followed by a "I'm pleased for you" look. It was obvious from her reaction that she saw something that I didn't.
I explained to her that I wanted to stay here in Reading, but Spain has more work and that I was the obvious person from the UK region to go over. To which she replied that I had no choice but to keep my job and go to Spain, or risk being made jobless and fight with thousands of other unemployed people out there, most of whom had been made redundant and desperate to find work. One of the anecdotes that she shared was that McDonald's receives hundreds of job applications every day, even from redundant bankers desperate for work.
She just made perfect sense, and I knew it. Out of all the options out there, this was by far the simplest. I couldn't believe other people had suggested that I look for a new job just for the sake of staying in the UK.
After I told my bad news, due to the present economic climate, I learned that she also is facing uncertainty over her job. This made me realise that if you have a job, in difficult times like these, you should do whatever you can to keep your job secure. Hence her common sense answer.
She reassured me that I will like Spain, and shared her experiences. From dining in Tapas bars, to the beautiful Spanish weather, to kicking water barefoot during a heavy thunderstorm, and knowing which parts of Majorca have English and German tourists. I couldn't help laugh, despite feeling bad on the inside. After all, I admit that I have developed a fondness for Reading, the house, and my housemate. And I was reluctant to give it all up.
I'm not happy that I have to leave Reading, but accepting the move to Spain was the right thing to do, given the circumstances. I won't need to feel despondent about missing out on yet another opportunity, but as ridiculous as it sounds I just hope there aren't any nagging feelings about what could have been if I stayed in Reading. Then again, if I had to choose between Reading UK and Palma Spain, without having been there before, I would definitely choose Palma Spain.
The month of June has taught me a lot about myself. It taught me that I am mostly resistant to change. I shouldn't be so resistant, and that I should learn to embrace and accept it more readily. I also learned that I should be grabbing more opportunities, and that I shouldn't be tied down to anything if there is no concrete reason to do so. Here in the UK, I should be making the most of every opportunity, rather than piss my life away. That was what I was doing back in New Zealand, and it was one of the many regrets I had during that quarter-life crisis episode. Overall, the month was difficult, but I learned a lot and hopefully I can move forward from this.
What do you do when the Head says "Go!" but the Heart says "Stay!"? Just ask someone else who understands.
2 comments:
It sounds like a difficult period for you - I hope now that you've had a chance to adjust to Spain, things are settle in your heart.
Chances are that your quarter life crisis opened you up to this, and then God provided. Perhaps, you'll be like some of the few that experience the consequences of economic crisis with adventure rather than despair. Here are my fingers crossed: x
I never thought of it that way. Cheers for the comment.
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