Haile, Paula and Me

This year will be my third Berlin Marathon, and it also happens to be the one where competition is at an all-time high. I've seen stacked fields in major marathons, but this promises to be the most competitive yet. Indeed, the world-record holder and the women's world record holder will be making an appearance in the 38th BMW Berlin Marathon..... along with me. 

I'm talking about Haile Gebrselassie and Paula Radcliffe, possibly the two greatest marathon runners of all time. And I am truly honoured to be racing alongside with them. While my chances of winning Berlin just got a lot more complicated, I can honestly say that there's still a minute chance that I can finish ahead of these legends on race day, so much so that I will provide an "objective analysis" of their strengths and weaknesses and how I size up in comparison. 

Haile Gebrselassie

The king of marathons is making his 5th appearance at Berlin, having set the world record on this fast course in 2008. Will it be 5th time lucky for Geb?

Age: 38

Personal Best: 2:03:59

Strengths

Has over 25+ world records, achieved possibly every running title on the planet. At 38 (though, there are reports he might be older than 42!) he still has a lot of running left in him, and can often win against much younger runners than himself. After winning the Vienna City Marathon in April and the Great Manchester run in May after coming back from retirement, he looks to be in ominous form.

Weaknesses

Hasn't won a marathon since the start of 2010. Recently plagued by knee injuries which prompted his retirement. Performance in Berlin is largely dependent on the performance of the pace-setters; what happens if they don't perform on the day? Can be extremely fickle, best shown in his retirement and subsequent comeback. Finally it's been rumoured that he was the target of a phone-hacking scandal, not by News of the World, but in his own country where they were checking whether Haile was training hard or just "slacking off".

Conclusion

Don't ever write this guy off. While he hasn't had a great 2010 by his standards, it can only mean that 2011 is on the up for Geb. 

Paula Radcliffe

What can I say about Paula. Blonde, beautiful, classy, the darling of all marathon runners. This is actually her debut at Berlin. She'll need a good performance in Berlin to put her in good stead for that elusive Olympic gold, and what better stage to achieve gold than London 2012.

Age: 37

Personal Best: 2:15:25

Strengths

Beautiful, graceful and elegant. A role model for all marathon runners, beginners and elite competitors alike. The fastest women's marathon runner by a long long long long way, the second fastest women's marathon time is a whopping 3 minutes off. No one comes close or will ever come close for a long time. On a flat course like Berlin, she might set another world record. Other women competitors will be so put off that they will be tempted to throw in the towel before the race even starts. 

Weaknesses

Hasn't raced Berlin before, the chance that she might take a wrong turn on Unter den Linden is still a possibility. Has had an even longer layoff than Haile from marathons in order to raise a beautiful family who will no doubt become great marathon runners themselves. Not the luckiest marathon runner in the pack, most notably what happened to her in the past two Olympic Games. Also unlucky in regards to the injuries she manages to pick up, e.g. she got bitten by a dog in training. Can suffer from unwanted stomach problems mid-race, most notably London 2005........ I won't say anymore.

Conclusion

Radcliffe has a great chance to stamp her superiority on the women's field. She'll sweep it no problems, with a world record and 10 minutes clear of her nearest rival. But how will she fare against me?

Me

There's nothing much to say, so lets get straight on to the analysis. 

Age: Younger than Haile and Paula

Personal Best: Officially 3:21:25 but is rumoured to have run 1:59:58 in the forests of Borneo while trying to escape a bunch of natives.

Strengths

Third Berlin Marathon, knows the course inside and out, along with all the cafes en route in the event of a quick caffeine fix. What he lacks in talent, he makes up for it in other areas. Has the luxary of the use of technology on the day, which will no doubt complement his sound decision-making capabilities, enabling him to know what's happening out there and making a move at the right time. Age is definitely on his side, and given the age difference there is much time to improve and cut that marathon time down.

Weaknesses

By far the least gifted athlete and won't have the goods over Haile and Paula in normal race situations or controlled lab experiments. But marathons often don't conform to normal race situations, and will never conform to controlled lab experiments, and that being said there is still a chance for the unexpected to occur. Tends to follow unorthodox diets consisting mainly of high amounts of simple carbs, for example, doughnuts. Gets easily distracted by beautiful ladies, but if all external factors were cut out then he has the chance to exercise laser-like focus. 

Conclusion

Nothing more to say. The strengths and weaknesses above tell all. Except that he'll have as much chance of winning than Cheryl Cole staying happily married to Ashley.

Well, there you have it. An "objective analysis" of the three runners and how they'll perform at Berlin. Who will emerge victorious? Who's just slacking off? Whose knees will crack under the strain? Who will use the portaloo first? And who's just eating donuts?

Find out on race day!

P.S. yeah it's so not me..... except the portaloo and donuts part!